Article: Game Thread: Twins v Tigers, 4/29 @ 7:10pm CT

[Riverbrian]

The Twins locker room must be like Panama City Beach during spring break. Joe Mauer probably sits there, looks at it all and shakes his head. Then he puts on his suit and tie... grabs his briefcase... and heads for home after a long day at work. He's hoping that supper was kept warm... he wants to put on his slippers, read his newspaper and enjoy his pipe in his favorite chair.

Of course... June was waiting for him to come home... because Beaver has locked himself in the bathroom because Eddie Haskell told him he looked more like a capybara.

The issues of youth... Joe is in the middle of it all and he needs to be Ward Cleaver right now.

"They call us problem child... We spend our lives on Trial... We walk an endless mile..."
The Twins are the Youth Gone Wild.

Here are some things to think about:

 

1. Berrios and Duffey and Meyer -- The Pitching Staff underwent a bit of an overhaul... a youthening... if you allow me to make up my own word. One 16-inning loss (that we should have won) and we are shoving vets on the disabled list like it's the Sunshine Meadows Nursing Home. It was exciting to watch Berrios no matter the result of his first start... we all want to believe that he will become that Ace this organization has needed since the mortgage crisis. It's good to see Duffey back... he was incredible in the back half of 2015 and I'm hoping he can be incredible again. Meyer... haven't seen him yet and some are concerned about his lack of mound work since coming to Minnesota. Although... keep in my mind... that last time Meyer was handed the keys to the car in a Twins Uniform... he drove it straight into the river and messed up the interior pretty good. Papa Molitor probably remembers that and is probably nervous about giving him those keys again until he shows more responsibility.

2. Youth -- The birth of a child is always an exciting time. You never know what you are going to get but anything is possible. This new addition to the world could grow up to rule the world (maybe International Falls) or grow up to be the person who stole my car stereo in the middle of the night. Nobody thinks about the car stereo scenario when you are changing diapers, but it happens. One morning I got into my car and couldn't turn on my tunes; just a bunch of wires where a stereo used to be.

3. Octomom -- One baby is great... two is a nice conversation piece at parties... three and people whisper, "I don't know how they do it," behind your back. Eight... well... you need to hire help... now. Strained green beans everywhere, crayons on the wall, a massive cell phone bill and one of the eight... maybe two out of the eight... or three... isn't going to get enough attention and will surely grow up to steal my car stereo. When you are over run with youth it's hard to see the potential they possess because they think that it's possible to jump from the roof of the house into that chair by the pool. When 8 of them are on the roof at the same time and about to make a contest out of it... you start thinking about trading a couple of them for David Murphy.

4. Michael Fulmer -- The Tigers on the other hand... they are not that young... they are actually kind of old. Except on the mound tonight... young Michael Fulmer will be making his first major league start. I know a little about Michael Fulmer because I lived in Michigan last year. Last September... I would nicely remind the Michigan people... "Not only are the Twins killing the Tigers this year... our farm system is ten times better." And they would say... "We got... umm... Michael Fulmer." And I would reply... "Yeah... Fulmer... All those young Met arms and you got the guy that they didn't want." The Twins were in the race... the Tigers were out of it... the Vikings made the playoffs... and the Lions were out of it. It was a great time to be in Michigan... just so I could let them all know. I still don't understand why they fired me.

5. The Things I did when I was Young -- True Story... A Game of truth or dare with my friends. About 6 of us... 3 guys... 3 girls... and a lot of alcohol... just entertaining ourselves. It was my turn and I didn't have my brackets so I couldn't choose truth so I picked dare and this evil girl dared me to run naked around the block. It was like 2AM... it was dark... nobody was around and I had like 4.8 speed and I had drunk an entire bottle of whiskey... my powers of reasoning were very sharp at that moment. I ran around the block without issue. However... I had an issue getting back into the house. It was hard to imagine how, but the door got locked... I'm not sure, but it's possible that my friends had something to do with that. I knocked on the door... all naked...talking in that loud drunk whisper... you know the voice you use when you have to raise your voice for someone to hear you and you don't want other people to hear you. "Let me in! C'mon... let me in!" That's when the neighbor's porch light came on. I looked around... saw a bush and dove into it. That's when the neighbor came out... with a date... and they walked down the sidewalk and stopped by the bush that contained me. And they made out for about an hour. An hour... an HOUR... They stood by that bush and kissed for about an hour... with no idea that I was approximately 2 feet from them... naked. I could see my 5 friends in the window laughing so hard that they were crying. True Story.

Ah... Youth... Welcome to the 2016 Minnesota Twins.

--------------------
Lineups:

TIGERS
Ian Kinsler(R ) 2B
J.D. Martinez(R ) RF
Miguel Cabrera(R ) 1B
Victor Martinez(S) DH
Justin Upton(R ) LF
Nick Castellanos(R ) 3B
Mike Aviles(R ) SS
Bobby Wilson(R ) C
Anthony Gose(L) CF

Fulmer(R )P

TWINS
Danny Santana(S) CF
Brian Dozier(R ) 2B
Joe Mauer(L) 1B
Miguel Sano(R ) RF
Byung-ho Park(R ) DH
Oswaldo Arcia(L) LF
Eduardo Nunez(R ) 3B
Eduardo Escobar(S) SS
Kurt Suzuki(R ) C

Hughes(R ) P

Game-time forecast: clear, sunny, 57 deg F, no chance of rain (so says the weather report ... I'll believe it when it doesn't rain), winds at 3mph from the ENE.

Thank you all for coming ... now ... GO TWINS! WIN!!!

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[70charger]

We went from spring break to Leave it to Beaver to hair metal. I have whiplash.

 

Well done.

[Bark's Lounge]

 

We went from spring break to Leave it to Beaver to hair metal. I have whiplash.

Well done.

It was impressive, but the Capybara reference sealed the deal for me.

[Blake]

1. Naked running: I'm not sure I understand why this is worth relating. Evidently, you must live in a weird neighborhood where such things are considered odd.

 

2. Car stereo stolen: Sure you didn't mistakenly get into the winter beater? Or, and I'm going with this option, the neighbors got tired of the constant blaring of Duran Duran and stole the stereo.

 

3. The fulminations about Fulmer were illuminating.

Edited April 29, 2016 by Blake

[USAFChief]

I think there's a strong possibility your friends and the neighbor were in cahoots.

 

 

[gocgo]

On another note....trying to get the picture of #5 out of my mind (thanks for searing that into my brain)....does anyone think the hated White Sox hot start is for real?  

Edited April 29, 2016 by gocgo

[Craig Arko]

 

It was impressive, but the Capybara reference sealed the deal for me.

Unless he really meant chupacabra.

[Blake]

 

On another note....trying to the picture of #5 out of my mind (thanks for searing that into my brain)....does anyone think the hated White Sox hot start is for real?  

Yes?

[deanlambrecht]

Epic, Riverbrian.   Absolutely epic!

[tharasix]

Yes, but what were you doing to, say, pass the time while naked and watching people make out?  I hope there wasn't a Warrant out for your arrest after that.

[Pardon My Dinger]

 

 a youthening... if you allow me to make up my own word. 

Ah, I've been youthening for years. Only, it's NOT what you think it means. 

[Craig Arko]

 

Ah, I've been youthening for years. Only, it's NOT what you think it means. 

Dem yutes!

[twinsnorth49]

 

On another note....trying to get the picture of #5 out of my mind (thanks for searing that into my brain).

So you've met Brian then.

[twinsnorth49]

Youth-a-nasia comes to mind with this team some days.

 

 

 

 

 

But not today!!!.....................

Win Twins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bluechipper]

Santana

Dozier

Mauer

Sano - RF

Park - DH

Arcia 

Nunez

Escobar

Suzuki

 

Another day for Jorge Polanco to sit on the bench.

[Lee-The-Twins-Fan]

FYI: Byron Buxton is hitting .294 in his first three games at Rochester - five hits including two doubles and a triple in 17 ABs. On the verge of finding his hitting? We shall see...

[Winston Smith]

 

On another note....trying to get the picture of #5 out of my mind (thanks for searing that into my brain)....does anyone think the hated White Sox hot start is for real?  

If you can get the Sux to think about #5 they will cool off really fast.

[bluechipper]

I didn't know Mike Aviles still played SS. Or that he was still in the majors.

[Pardon My Dinger]

Going to the game tonight. I sit close to the field. Going to keep the theme of my 2016 game attendance going: heckling the opposing 3b coach.

[Pardon My Dinger]

FYI: Byron Buxton is hitting .294 in his first three games at Rochester - five hits including two doubles and a triple in 17 ABs. On the verge of finding his hitting? We shall see...

Of course.

[jokin]

 

FYI: Byron Buxton is hitting .294 in his first three games at Rochester - five hits including two doubles and a triple in 17 ABs. On the verge of finding his hitting? We shall see...

 

And most important, only 3 Ks in 17 PAs.

[Halsey Hall]

 

And most important, only 3 Ks in 17 PAs.

He needs a good month of that.

[HitInAPinch]

 

FYI: Byron Buxton is hitting .294 in his first three games at Rochester - five hits including two doubles and a triple in 17 ABs. On the verge of finding his hitting? We shall see...

 

...and Buxton's AB's and PA's are identical.  How is that possible?  ZERO WALKS.

Pitch recognition is the problem, not whether or not he can hit minor league pitching.    

Edited April 29, 2016 by HitInAPinch

[Pius Jefferson]

Skid Row is a very underrated band. Got the undeserved hair metal label but much closer to Guns n Roses. They also had the misfortune of hitting it big right before grunge and having crazy lead singer.

[Riverbrian]

 

Yes, but what were you doing to, say, pass the time while naked and watching people make out?  I hope there wasn't a Warrant out for your arrest after that.

 

Listen... it was a mistake from my youth.

 

Now that I'm older... I know how to better handle that situation... I should have waited about 15 minutes and then jumped out from behind the bush and yelled SURPRISE!!! 

 

I bet the Girl would have made a noise of sorts. 

 

If I only knew then... what I know now. 

[Riverbrian]

 

Skid Row is a very underrated band. Got the undeserved hair metal label but much closer to Guns n Roses. They also had the misfortune of hitting it big right before grunge and having crazy lead singer.

 

Sebastian Bach Lead Vocals... He's Crazy and he's Canadian. 

 

His Brother Played Goalie in the NHL

[Squirrel]

 

 

5. The Things I did when I was Young -- True Story... A Game of truth or dare with my friends. About 6 of us... 3 guys... 3 girls... and a lot of alcohol... just entertaining ourselves. It was my turn and I didn't have my brackets so I couldn't choose truth so I picked dare and this evil girl dared me to run naked around the block. It was like 2AM... it was dark... nobody was around and I had like 4.8 speed and I had drunk an entire bottle of whiskey... my powers of reasoning were very sharp at that moment. I ran around the block without issue. However... I had an issue getting back into the house. It was hard to imagine how, but the door got locked... I'm not sure, but it's possible that my friends had something to do with that. I knocked on the door... all naked...talking in that loud drunk whisper... you know the voice you use when you have to raise your voice for someone to hear you and you don't want other people to hear you. "Let me in! C'mon... let me in!" That's when the neighbor's porch light came on. I looked around... saw a bush and dove into it. That's when the neighbor came out... with a date... and they walked down the sidewalk and stopped by the bush that contained me. And they made out for about an hour. An hour... an HOUR... They stood by that bush and kissed for about an hour... with no idea that I was approximately 2 feet from them... naked. I could see my 5 friends in the window laughing so hard that they were crying. True Story.
 

 

Lol, Brian. I can't believe you told this story. We knew you were there. I mean, sheesh, if you are diving for cover behind a bush, it helps if that bush has any kind of leaf cover instead of no leaf cover at all. I mean, you weren't the only thing that was bare. We've laughed about that one for years ... just seeing how long you'd stay there like that without saying anything. And I think you fell asleep there for a bit, too.

[David HK]

OMG--  My eyes are watering, and my coffee has long since left my nose.  What a heart-warming story there, Riv.  Heart-warming because it didn't happen to me!   Haw haw haw!

North, you'll appreciate this- I scored my virgin try, and did my Zulu Warrior run between the posts- fortunately in Devil's Lake, North Dakota.  There was no one around to see, 'cept teammates, and my girlfriend and her pals, who showed up late and unbeknownst-

[Platoon]

First Berrios, and now apparently Meyer on Tuesday. If, and it is a very big if, these two guys could be moderately successful, it will be a very interesting mid season trading time. But that is putting the cart before Hannahs Horse!

[HitInAPinch]

 

First Berrios, and now apparently Meyer on Tuesday. If, and it is a very big if, these two guys could be moderately successful, it will be a very interesting mid season trading time. But that is putting the cart before Hannahs Horse!

Oh wow!  Milone to bullpen, Meyer starting on Tuesday.    Me likey