Minnesota Twins Whine Line

[Vanimal46]

I know you're not my psychologist, but I had dream last night.  It was weird.  There was a mini-bus and it was driven by TC Bear.  Right behind him in the 1st seat was Terry Ryan whispering something in ear with Paul Molitor sitting in the seat across the aisle.  I couldn't tell if Molitor was agreeing with Ryan or pleading with him to do something else. Anyways the rest of the team was on the bus as well.  Needless to say the mini-bus was driving right towards a cliff and it seemed that TC was accelerating and Terry Ryan was yelling go faster! 

 

What does this mean?

 

Thanks for the call Loosey. My initial question is can I have the number to your doctor? Because I need that prescription to dream like that! You've brought up an extremely important point..... Is TC Bear able to talk? Bears are able to do A LOT of interesting things... jumping into pools, falling onto trampolines, and my personal favorite.... catching a piece of bread! (Link below)

 

The hidden meaning in this dream, is do NOT, under any circumstance, let a bear drive a bus. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mde4Asp66iM 

[Vanimal46]

 

Hey vanimal, long time listener and spy.  Have a question for you though.  Can you comment on the specifics of what Boyer might have over the front office/managerial staff that keeps him in the pen?  Is there any truth to the rumor that Tim Stauffer handed over these incriminating photos before he left?

 

Diehard, thanks for checking in. I tore a part my entire apartment to find these "cameras" that you and Chief placed in there.... And you know what I found? Not a thing!! Unless you guys work for the USSR, I'm not going to believe for a second you're a spy. The technology's just not there yet. 

 

To answer your question about Boyer, as the king of SCORCHING hot takes, I would know if incriminating photos existed. The real reason he's on this team will shock you to the core. Terry's interested in growing out a beard. And Blaine Boyer gives him access to coupon codes for beard related products. The kicker in this whole story, is TR doesn't realize ANYONE can get these coupons on Groupon. He thinks Boyer is like Willy Wonka, and the codes are his golden ticket to a bada$$ beard.

[ashbury]

Hey, long-time caller, first-time listener. Say, I was wondering about that one play in the fifth inning yesterday, where that one Twins player did that thing and then that one Blue Jays player did that other thing. I'll hang up and stop listening.

[Vanimal46]

 

Good Morning Vanimal:  First time caller.  I am beside myself--Please HELP!  They closed the threads on Draft Day Rumor Tracker, Draft Gem Duffey Set to Debut, and Struggles have Highlighted Twins Correct Deadline Decisions.  I also broke my favorite DVD--that Tom Hanks film, Praising Terry Ryan. What should I do??

 

Kwak, I'm the right person for this situation. Whenever someone locks me out of a thread, I don't care what it takes; I'm cracking that code and kicking that SOB in! If you create the same thread title 25 times in a day, the program directors will get the picture, and open the door.

 

Praising Terry Ryan was my favorite DVD too. How did Hanks not win an Emmy for that performance? I still get goosebumps during the scene where Hanks was furiously working the phone, sweat dripping down his brow.... the countless times he yelled "NO DEAL!" and slammed down the phone. And that last scene where he faced the reporters, said "I did the best I could." and started crying? Heart breaking...

 

Check your local wasteland, rumor has it there are still some DVDs in the original wrap buried below. Good luck!

[mickeymental]

ok, um, so i've got another question: after yesterday's 0-for-5 with three strikeouts, oswaldo arcia is 3-for-36 (.083) over his last 10 games at rochester. here's my question: doesn't that make him the perfect candidate to blend right in with the big-league club?

[Mike Sixel]

Vanimal!!!!!! I called yesterday, so excited I got through two days in a row.

 

Do you regret starting this show, and now fee compelled to show up?

[TwinsCD]

I was at the A-Fraud hat trick game and there was a moment in that game that now, to me, is a magnification of the problems going through this team.  When Hicks struck out on the check swing with the bases loaded when it was 5-1 and Molitor got ejected, rather than it being a motivator (manager getting tossed), it was the beginning of the downward spiral.  This team has won *2* games since that game.  First, Perkins gets his disease and blows 2 saves and another game in the 9th and now nobody can hit.  Wednesday night with it a 2-run game and 2 men on base, who do we have come to the plate?  Fryer and Robinson.  A contending major league club does not have that kind of dead weight show up in crucial situations.  If ever there was a time that was screaming for a pinch hitter, that was it.  When you're in a funk like this, every mistake is magnified exponentially -- not moving runners, not leaving the bases loaded once or twice per game, not finishing out games from the pen.  This team needs an enema and no one is stepping up to administer it.

[Vanimal46]

Vanimal!!!!!! I called yesterday, so excited I got through two days in a row.

 

Do you regret starting this show, and now fee compelled to show up?

Mike, always good to hear from you. Is it safe to say you're going to become a show regular?

 

I don't regret starting this show at all! If I can educate the TD community on the future of baseball, I've done my job.

 

The only thing I regret today is not having a margarita at the Mexican restaurant over lunch...

[formerly33]

Hey dude, judging from the obscure records my internet surveillance friends were able to detect in their recent private investigations, your mother named you Gary after the great G-Man about 25 years ago. Unfortunately for her, the said G-Man departed from his longtime team to go play acceptable baseball for another franchise. More recently, you changed your name in honor of a more contemporary hero who also moved on to play acceptable baseball for another franchise: the great Vanimal. I was wondering if you could ask Brock to change your name to Duensing to insure that he also goes on to play acceptable baseball for another franchise.

 

By the way, huge fan. Love it, love you. Gotta go. Thank you.

[Vanimal46]

 

ok, um, so i've got another question: after yesterday's 0-for-5 with three strikeouts, oswaldo arcia is 3-for-36 (.083) over his last 10 games at rochester. here's my question: doesn't that make him the perfect candidate to blend right in with the big-league club?

 

Mickey, I love where your head is at. There isn't a better time to have Arcia fit in that right now, so they can all strike out together! I feel for Arcia; he's out of his element with no friends, and no good food to eat like Fogo de Chao. If he's not eating well, there's no chance he will be able to hit well. Let's start a kickstarter campaign to Send Fogo de Chao to Oswaldo!!

[Vanimal46]

A lot of great call ins so far.. Nick Punto's pending comeback, Bears driving buses, Tom Hanks greatest film Praising Terry Ryan, and feeding Arcia Fogo de Chao! Where else do you see topics like this? Only on Minnesota Twins Whine Line... We're going to take a break and hear from our sponsor. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me5VuQGgDuE

[Vanimal46]

AND we're back! The fajitas from lunch are kicking in, so I may be falling asleep answering phone calls. Let's go back to the phone lines, hello?

[diehardtwinsfan]

If you were to compare the 2015 Twins to a 2016 Republican Presidential candidate, who would it be and why?

[Vanimal46]

 

If you were to compare the 2015 Twins to a 2016 Republican Presidential candidate, who would it be and why?

 

Diehard, you're really stretching my abilities talking about politics, but here I go. The 2015 Twins is clearly like Donald Trump. They made a TON of noise in the beginning, some thought "Could he/they actually win this?" And eventually both are going to crash and burn at the end. 

 

From a national standpoint, the 2015 Twins are like Carly Fiorina. Up until last night, I couldn't have pointed her out in a 2 person jail lineup. And the national talking heads don't think about the Twins anymore. 

[diehardtwinsfan]

Oh, by the way, I saw what you were doing over your lunch break. 

[Bark's Lounge]

Hey Vanimal. Bark here. 3rd time caller, devoted listener.

 

I took your advice and did some window peeping. It was exhilarating… I felt like a young buck again and the visuals, whether pleasing or disgusting were damn well worth it.

 

What's your take on the Twins breaking there losing streaking in a topsy turvy, high scoring game. Are we about to break out of the doldrums or is this an anomaly?

 

Another question - what does a day in Austin, TX look like for you? Is it this - sleep in, catch some Tex-Mex and a Margarita for Lunch, go home and take a nap, Hit Green Mesquite for some BBQ for dinner and head to the Continental Club for a show and some cocktails… rinse and repeat?

[Vanimal46]

Hey Vanimal. Bark here. 3rd time caller, devoted listener.

 

I took your advice and did some window peeping. It was exhilarating… I felt like a young buck again and the visuals, whether pleasing or disgusting were damn well worth it.

 

What's your take on the Twins breaking there losing streaking in a topsy turvy, high scoring game. Are we about to break out of the doldrums or is this an anomaly?

 

Another question - what does a day in Austin, TX look like for you? Is it this - sleep in, catch some Tex-Mex and a Margarita for Lunch, go home and take a nap, Hit Green Mesquite for some BBQ for dinner and head to the Continental Club for a show and some cocktails… rinse and repeat?

Bark, how do you like the new intern? I found him playing MLB The Show 15 at Target, and knew I had to get his opinion. The only people I trust for insider baseball knowledge are gamers.. They've actually played games as these players!

 

Window peeping is one of my favorite things to do! Living in an apartment has some hidden perks, 400 windows to peep with a sturdy ladder. Keep us informed on your quest of reliving your 20s...

 

What a THRILLING game tonight. The intern and I were on the edge of our seat when Torii didn't show bunt in the 9th inning. To answer your question, this game is an anomaly. I don't care who you are, you don't hit a HR every single at bat. Not even 50% of the time...But anyone in the league can lay down a bunt at least 80% of the time. Am I wrong?? The Twins also don't have ENOUGH bullpen arms.. Call up at least 3 more and get back to me.

 

Now the last part, I don't know if I'm the right person to tell this. Chief and Diehard, communist spies they are, follow my every move. Humans are creatures of habit, and mine goes like this... Sleep in, eat breakfast tacos to fire up the SCORCHING hot takes.

Black Sheep Lodge for White Trash Wednesday $1 16 oz cans

The Park Tavern for Bull**** Bingo

Bangers, the Container, and Craft Pride on Rainey Street - 2 AM order for Via 313 pizza

Perry's Steakhouse for their Friday pork chop special

 

And of course Whataburger!

 

sorry listeners, the program director is telling me to go to break at this very seco....

[Vanimal46]

AND we're back! Before I go back to the phone lines, I have to give this PSA.... Don't buy a ladder and specifically use it to window peep. You MAY get caught by concerned neighbors, and the police MAY get involved. Anyways, back to the phone we go. You're on Minnesota Twins Whine Line, hello?

[Vanimal46]

WELCOME BACK! To Minnesota Twins Whine Line. Sorry for the delay after a successful first couple of shows. I was suspended for a couple weeks because I MAY have given you all bad advice..... Oh well, you live and you learn.

 

Since I've been gone, the threads are HEATING UP with SCORCHING hot takes. Can a Twins Daily rube be a better GM than Terry? Some think so! Pitchforks... I have one. Do I use it daily? Not really. But some do to fend off the overly positive and negative folks. And BUXTON. Did we ruin him by keeping him in AAA? 

 

So many topics, and only one intern to answer calls. We'll take them in the order that they were received. Goooooood afternoon, you're on Minnesota Twins Whine Line.

[Platoon]

Forbes Magazine period review of the Business of Baseball puts the value of the Twins franchise at $0.895B. (Contrast with the Yankees at 3.2 and the Rays bringing up the rear at 0.625.) Since the Pohlads aren't currently looking to sell, you might have to offer them $1.5B to make them say yes right over the phone; a better negotiator than me might get them under a billion, but I'm not sure until they become motivated sellers that you'd see a lot less. OTOH, all these estimates are just that, estimates, and maybe you will catch Smilin' Carl's son Jim on a good day.

 

Going with 1.5B, divided by 6908 members, and you have $217K from each of us. I'll run the escrow. Just send your paypal info to nigerian_prince@yesitsascamduh.com.

Will you take a personal check?

[Platoon]

Hello. I am a forty year old man who has ignored his wife during the summer months for the past 16 years to enjoy the hobby of watching Twins baseball. Now that my spirit is starting to break because of the unbearable baseball this team is playing, I have been thinking about giving it up.

 

The problem is I am not too excited about talking to my wife. I now view my summers as a vacation from her. Do I give it a shot or do I go back to the hobbies of my early twenties, such as practicing the art form of being a peeping tom, making popcorn jewelry, and going to random churches on Sundays dressed as a woman?

 

I'm confused. I need some advice.

Assuming you are in the basement, have you went upstairs to check if your wife is even there? I would swear I saw her with a Nigerian Prince at Wal Mart yesterday!

[Vanimal46]

Jaime! Dude! Where've you been? My intern's been sad because you aren't meeting him at Target to play MLB The Show 15 anymore.... 

To answer your question, we did some research, and learned that Jose Berrios didn't start pitching until he was 18 years old! He's got baby miles on that arm, and the front office needs to take that into consideration. The Vanimal started pitching at 10 years old, and my coaches always told me "Vanimal, you can't go the whole game." As much as I threw fits and refused to get off the mound, i still had to give up the ball. Think of Berrios as a 13 year old. Only 3 years into his pitching life. They would wrap him in bubble wrap if they could to save that arm. 

 

I also don't trust a guy who's been able to legally drink beer for 3 months. When I was 21 I was drunk ALL THE TIME, and not much has changed since then. Are we sure Berrios isn't drunk right now?????? 

 

 

[Vanimal46]

 

Assuming you are in the basement, have you went upstairs to check if your wife is even there? I would swear I saw her with a Nigerian Prince at Wal Mart yesterday!

 

Bark's wife with a Nigerian Prince??!!! Say it isn't so! Bark, call in buddy. We need to discuss.

[Bark's Lounge]

 

Bark's wife with a Nigerian Prince??!!! Say it isn't so! Bark, call in buddy. We need to discuss.

Word up Vanimal, it's your #1 fan Bark calling in.

 

A Nigerian Prince Huh? It doesn't surprise me as she told me a few weeks back that she met a new best bud over email. In hindsight, that seems sort of odd. I very rarely pay attention. I miss things she says all the time.

 

If our marriage is on the outs, I'll be fine. I met this guy from Indiana named Jared who was making a promotional appearance at a god awful sandwich shop I was eating at. We struck up a conversation and he told me he could hook me up with a date anytime I wanted. I appreciated his gesture, but I think I will pass on that opportunity. People from Indiana really creep me out. I have not talked to him in a while. I wonder how he's doing?

 

Twins related question: Will Sano break Barry Bond's single season HR record next year or will he have a sophomore slump and hit a disappointing 40HR's.

 

Love the show!

 

I'll hang up and listen.

[Kwak]

My second call, I need advice.  I have missed this whine line, please keep it open!

 

I had made a statement about the Twins free agent pitchers that they were here because Deduno, Albers, Diamond, DeVries, Worely, (and more!) couldn't hack it in the MLs.  Even though Santana, Hughes, Nolasco, and Pelfrey ain't exactly the cat's meow, this guy at the bar says "he can't see the difference".  How should I respond?

[Vanimal46]

Word up Vanimal, it's your #1 fan Bark calling in.

 

A Nigerian Prince Huh? It doesn't surprise me as she told me a few weeks back that she met a new best bud over email. In hindsight, that seems sort of odd. I very rarely pay attention. I miss things she says all the time.

 

If our marriage is on the outs, I'll be fine. I met this guy from Indiana named Jared who was making a promotional appearance at a god awful sandwich shop I was eating at. We struck up a conversation and he told me he could hook me up with a date anytime I wanted. I appreciated his gesture, but I think I will pass on that opportunity. People from Indiana really creep me out. I have not talked to him in a while. I wonder how he's doing?

 

Twins related question: Will Sano break Barry Bond's single season HR record next year or will he have a sophomore slump and hit a disappointing 40HR's.

 

Love the show!

 

I'll hang up and listen.

Bark, it wouldn't be a real show without your input. For someone who just learned that you may be kicked to the curb by a Nigerian prince, you're handling this well..... I would continue to ignore her and continue the quest of reliving your 20s!

 

At first glance, Jared sounds like a once in a lifetime friend to make. But i can see why you declined the offer... I mean, he's promoting a TERRIBLE sandwich shop. How can you like anything else he likes if that's the first impression? Look at me, speculating over a guy in Indiana named Jared. I'm sure we'll never hear of this guy.....

 

Now the fun part, TWINS TALK. Miguel Sano is the only player that gets the green light to swing away on any pitch. He will ABSOLUTELY top Bonds' HR record next year. In fact, I can predict the stats that matter for 2016: 180 H - 74 HR - 106 Bunt singles. Here's how this happens: We've already decided bunting every at bat is the FUTURE of baseball. Eventually a pitcher will get bored and disinterested. His judgment lapses, and there it is, Bark... An 80 MPH meat ball down the pipe. Sano shows bunt, pulls back, and BAM! Go to Vegas now and bet everything you have.

[Vanimal46]

My second call, I need advice.  I have missed this whine line, please keep it open!

 

I had made a statement about the Twins free agent pitchers that they were here because Deduno, Albers, Diamond, DeVries, Worely, (and more!) couldn't hack it in the MLs.  Even though Santana, Hughes, Nolasco, and Pelfrey ain't exactly the cat's meow, this guy at the bar says "he can't see the difference".  How should I respond?

Good to hear from you again. I've been sitting at home counting the hours until I could go back on the air. After window peeping was endorsed over these airwaves, the activity increased 77% in Minnesota. Also, with Chief and diehard recording my every move, there's several things that get Vanimal in trouble.....

 

Your question has a no brainer solution, Kwak. When I come across situations like this, I drive to the library. Go ahead and print out each players' photo. The next step is going to take some time, but you have to introduce each player to your friend. This is Ervin, he SMELLS baseballs. This is Worley, the Vanimal. If he still can't see the difference, I'm at a complete loss on what to do.

[D. Hocking]

When are the owners of this site going to acknowledge that this webpage has had a few bad seasons now and there is a need to shake up their moderator staff?  Just because they had some good seasons a few years back and made some good moves, does that give them a life time job?  I feel they are stuck in the past and still making decisions as if everyone's computer was using Windows 95 and they are too stubborn to try new ideas or platforms.  

 

I suppose even if they did get rid of the current moderators, with their country club mentality, they would just replace with with existing posters already in the system.  In reality, as long as the fat cat owners continue to rake in the big bucks from the page's ads, they probably don't care whether they are putting out the best webpage they can or not.  They are too busy counting their money.

[twinsnorth49]

 

When are the owners of this site going to acknowledge that this webpage has had a few bad seasons now and there is a need to shake up their moderator staff?  Just because they had some good seasons a few years back and made some good moves, does that give them a life time job?  I feel they are stuck in the past and still making decisions as if everyone's computer was using Windows 95 and they are too stubborn to try new ideas or platforms.  

 

I suppose even if they did get rid of the current moderators, with their country club mentality, they would just replace with with existing posters already in the system.  In reality, as long as the fat cat owners continue to rake in the big bucks from the page's ads, they probably don't care whether they are putting out the best webpage they can or not.  They are too busy counting their money.

Hey Vanimal, I'd help you out with this one but I'm busy relaxing before my tee time.

 

http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/00599/SNN2904B-682_599575a.jpg

[Vanimal46]

Hey Vanimal, I'd help you out with this one but I'm busy relaxing before my tee time.

 

http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/00599/SNN2904B-682_599575a.jpg

Did we just stumble upon moderator-gate 2015?!! BREAKING: TD posters duped and bamboozled by internal staff. More to come at 10... But have you heard the OTHER side to the story?

 

Date: April 29, 2015. It started off like any normal day to monitor the site as the team played a 12:10 game vs. the Tigers. North was wired in with spot on posts, and everything was running smoothly. That is, until 1:34, when he receives 5 PMs simultaneously from glunn, head moderator. Glunn is a man of integrity, with one major flaw.....MICROMANAGEMENT.

 

North read through the messages, and it all started blending together. Go do this. Go do that. We need your eyes on the Hunter thread. Dave is going off the rails again... North couldn't take it anymore! So he came up with a plan, you see. One that did not include glunn.

 

He organized a secret moderators meeting, notable attendees: diehard, Chief, Riverbrian, and chitown. The plan: rebuild a replica Twins Daily run on Windows95 and sell valuable ad space to entities with ads that take up the entire screen OR videos. They could make millions! And at the same time, promote the illusion to their fan base that they're still an improving website coming off a successful rebuilding effort.

 

The next thing they needed was buy-in from ownership. First target: Brock. Luckily for the moderators, they caught Brock on a stressful day. He was busy trying to prevent a meltdown on the Hunter thread.... The only words Brock listened to were millions, promote, improvement, website, and successful. He immediately says "yes, now let me get back to what's important here PLEASE!!" North and Chief high-five, and move on.... To Seth.

 

Crazy enough, the moderators benefitted by catching Seth on the road. You see, Seth was in Chattanooga that day to watch our elite prospects. North volunteered to call, knowing that his service was the worst out of the group. Seth picks up, but IRONICALLY, Seth heard the exact same words as Brock, and gave the go ahead. After north hangs up, chitown and diehard jump for joy! Chief laughs maniacally, knowing they're one step closer to paradise.

 

Last but not least, John needed to sign off. The mission needed to be extended into the night. John just completed the Gleeman and the Geek podcast, and was on the way home... Until he receives a call from North. John changes plans and instead drives to Hubert's for a drink with him... North knew they couldn't get lucky 3 times in a row, he had to bend the rules. As soon as John took off his jacket, 12 flights of craft IPAs were delivered to the booth.

 

"I've had a rough day John, the one thing I need right now is a drinking pal," north announced.

 

"Anything for you, my friend," John replied.

 

Everything was going as planned 3....4....5....8 flights in. North, as usual, was on his game, spitting one hilarious joke after another. Enough to make John spill off the booth chair in laughter. And cleverly, in-between jokes, he snuck in the plan. All it needed was John's signature. He bribed the waitress to hand the document to John instead of the credit card receipt... And it WORKED!!

 

So yes, the moderators achieved their financial dreams, and staying in fancy hotels. And it hurt their fan base..... But at the end of the day, isn't the OTHER side of the story more fun?