I'm very happy that Joe had a great year. It was nice to see him return to the .300 club.

Many years ago I sat in a packed, humid gym for a taping of an ESPN special focusing on Joe - just as contract negotiations were heating up. He had just won the MVP, his second consecutive gold glove, and became the first catcher to lead the league in average, obp, and slugging. When I looked up the details of his contract I noticed that there are bonuses of $25k for each Gold Glove or All-Star Selection. So perhaps his twins will after all get new shoes for Christmas.

Anyhoo, I recently ran across a Letterman-style top ten list I created in 2009 for his demands in the big contract. Enjoy:

Top Ten Joe Mauer Contract Requirements

10. Any written mention of “M&m boys” must consist of one lower case “m” to denote justin morneau

9. At every home game, must be met at his car by Jerry Bell, Howard Fox, Bill Smith and Dave St. Peter and carried in a Cleopatra-like palanquin into Target Field

8. Opposing fielders must say “one mvp, two mvp, three mvp” prior to moving in any direction in an attempt to field a ball put into play by Mr. Mauer

7. Ten bucks added to bi-weekly payroll every time Gardy says “…and we’ll go from there”

6. Umpires must inquire of Mr. Mauer regarding his opinion as to whether the immediately preceding pitch did indeed cross into the strike zone prior to signaling strike or ball. Said requirement is optional during play in which Mr. Mauer is neither catcher nor batter nor a game in which the Minnesota Baseball Club (nor any future Yankee Baseball Clubs for which Mr. Mauer may play) is not participating.

5. Searchlight added to top of hitting and catching helmets that projects letters “MVP” onto clouds on overcast nights

4. Bud Selig must, at his own expense, fly in and host weekly gala luncheon for all mlb catchers that have won batting titles (no descendants, please)

3. In any situation likely requiring him to slide, Nick Punto must belly-slide immediately under Mr. Mauer to reduce possibility of injury

2. Opposing players stealing second must run laterally so as never to show their back to Mr. Mauer and repeatedly bow during their attempt

1. Two words: Sideburn insurance