New Line Cinema released a furious preview for their remake of Stephen King's It, and the excitement drove me to pick up my well-worn hardcover of the book to reread it slowly and deliberately. I hope to become so connected with the terrors of Derry, Maine, that I risk waking up to find myself staring at the house on Neibolt Street. Or worse.

Last night, I read something that sparked my imagination. Mike Hanlon, future librarian and member of the heroic Loser's Club, referred to listening to the 1958 Washington Senators. He's right to worry about their performance (the Senators lost 93 games that year), but he's completely unaware those Senators will become the Minnesota Twins in 1961. He's already listening to future Twins greats like Camilo Pascual and Harmon Killebrew.

Clearly, I must take this tiniest bit of trivia and blow it completely out of proportion. Therefore, I proclaim the Minnesota Twins are the official baseball team of Derry, Maine, on the basis of my complete lack of authority.

Most Stephen King creations tend to develop ties with the Boston Red Sox, but this is Twins time. Big Steve owes us for David Ortiz, right?

The movie is expected to come out in September, which leaves plenty of time to establish Derry Daze at Target Field. The organist can play jaunty circus music. Pennywise the Dancing Clown can throw out an orange pom-pom as the first pitch. And every fan gets a balloon. They'll be environmentally safe, but you can bet that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BALLOONS WILL FLOOOOOOOOOAT!

If needed, I would volunteer to dress up as Pennywise. I'd even sit behind the opposing team's dugout and scream "BEEP-BEEP!" any time they try to talk.

It's the least I can do.

Axel