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Joe Mauer Turning Season Around With Milk Regimen


Ben Remington

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-SHTICKBALL-

Twins firstbaseman Joe Mauer had gotten off to a pretty rough start in 2015, and even though there were many theories as to why, Joe thinks he has the problem solved. Joe started a daily milk drinking regiment a few weeks ago, and he believes that it is paying off.

 

“Earlier this season I wasn’t hitting very good, and I wasn’t exactly sure why. Then I realized for whatever reason I hadn’t been drinking nearly as much delicious Kemps milk this year, so I decided to try drinking more delicious Kemps milk.” Mauer said, wiping away a milk mustache from enjoy a tall glass of 1% in the clubhouse.

 

https://twitter.com/BoringJoeMauer/status/613167378944368640

Mauer has apparently been dropping hints about this recently

 

Mauer said that he didn’t know exactly why his milk consumption has tapered off, but that it might have something do with his wife trying to be more health conscious and Torii Hunter bringing more beer into the clubhouse upon his re-arrival this season. Mauer said he felt like earlier in the season he just wasn’t focused as well and the strength he usually has out of spring training didn’t last as long, but it took him a while to pinpoint milk as the answer.

 

“I don’t know what it was, I think I saw an old Kemps polo shirt in the closet and thought, man, when I was getting all that free milk from Kemps I was hitting really well. I should try that again.” Mauer was a Kemps spokesman for some time after his break into the big leagues, but he says this isn’t a ploy to get back on the Kemps payroll.

 

“Endorsement? No, I don’t want an endorsement. I’ve got piles of money laying all over my house that I don’t know what to do with, I don’t need any more of that. I just really like drinking plain white milk. When I did those Kemps commercials a few years ago, they never paid me; I just got free milk sent to my house all the time. Morneau used to shoot hockey pucks at full gallons in the backyard when we were roommates.”

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1sO1nPf7o0

 

A few weeks ago when he noticed his lactic deficiency, Mauer said he started out with just a glass of milk with every meal, and has now progressed up to a gallon a day, trying to get his hitting stroke back. The early results are good, as Mauer is hitting .333 with two homers in the last week alone, crushing his production in April and May combined.

 

So for Mauer, his struggles may just be behind him for the 2015 season, all thanks to a dietary change with some help from our bovine friends on the farm. When another reporter asked Mauer how he overcame his struggles in May, he winked and said, “It’s the cows.”

 

 

Photo Credit- Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

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For me, it's always been cigarettes, and cocaine. Whenever I feel down, one of those two will usually do the trick, and the more the merrier. I don't swing a bat like Joe Mauer, but man, I feel great!

 

;-)

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