With the evening pre-booked, I monitored this Twins game from my cell phone while revisiting cherished David Cronenberg movies from years past.

At least, I started to. After it took me days to scroll down through MLB At Bat listings for Mike Pelfrey's first inning, there was no need to devote excessive brain power to watching the Twins continue their swirl down the drain.

Three home runs was nice, though.

Monitoring the game on your phone is as close as you can come to watching the game while still feeling like you're missing out on absolutely everything. Hard to boo a telephone, and it's even harder to cheer it.

Pump your fist twice to cheer, slap your thigh once to boo. Enjoy your life in the material world.

Hoping to catch a full game with my eyes sometime soon, maybe even at Target Field.

-Axel