Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed!

 

I went to Target this afternoon. That alone is exciting enough for a new post, but there's more! I was going to get bread and milk for my family. I also needed to buy some pens, which happen to be on the opposite end of the store. There's still more. After procuring my pens, I went down an unmanned checkout aisle to get a soda pop. I wanted a Diet Dr. Pepper. Farther down that aisle were the baseball cards. I thought to myself "oh man, I used to love baseball cards." It's true. In fact, this card is burned into my brain and remains my favorite card ever.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v8rm8jo9rSY/USmnwx5r4DI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/m88zpwdxePU/s320/1993-Topps-KirbyPuckett.jpg

 

I stood there looking at the cards. At first, I was surprised. Then, I was confused. There were packs and then there were jumbo packs, then there were these value boxes and then there were some other value boxes that were bigger. It was overwhelming. I had invested a good five minutes into this venture, so I decided I would buy a pack of baseball cards. I scoured the area for something familiar. There were old looking cards that were new and there were some packs that had only 3 or 4 cards for like 5 dollars. Now, I'm no cheapskate, but man, that seems high.

 

I found the 2013 Topps. I used to collect Topps! In fact, that Kirby Puckett card is a Topps! I wondered if any of the cards would have giant bats involved, but figured the only legal way to find out was to buy a pack. So, I got the pack of 2013 Topps. There were 12 cards for $1.99, which actually doesn't seem that unreasonable. I'd like to turn this into a cute story where I forget to buy the milk and bread because I was so excited, but that just isn't the case.

 

I arrived home and shared with my wife that I bought a pack of cards. She didn't seem that impressed, but wasn't mad or witty or anything stereotypical like that. This isn't a sitcom. However, she was not nearly as excited as I was when I opened the pack.

 

The cards are pretty nice. The photos are good. There was this weird green card that I assumed was super valuable, but the pack says there are 1 in every 6 packs. Considering there were roughly 5,000 packs at that one Target, I'm guessing these aren't very rare. They ugly too. I didn't get any Twins in Twin uniforms, but I did get this little gem:

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TxhUeXi0btU/USmoW9dXyJI/AAAAAAAAAPY/wHqPfZLqW8c/s320/photo102.JPG

 

I also got rookie phenom Jurickson Profar's rookie card! I know this because there is a logo with an RC on it:

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YUczBvbG22s/USmon3x8afI/AAAAAAAAAPg/HbpamZsvxiU/s320/photo+(98).JPG

 

I zoomed in on his face. It looks painted. I can't confirm if Profar's real face just looks like a painting, or if this is a photoshopped image. If anyone knows the answer, please let me know. Take a look at this bad picture and see for yourself:

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vvdEJff5FzM/USmoz1QV44I/AAAAAAAAAPo/Wc1gcjdUURo/s320/photo+(100).JPG

 

As you can see, I don't take great care of my card collection:

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HLxMvXB6XuU/USmo7JZuEhI/AAAAAAAAAPw/rP8xUy9P8i0/s320/photo101.JPG

 

They fell off the couch and landed there. I had forgotten they were on the couch. At first, the dog was very interested, but ultimately seemed bored with the whole deal:

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BnBa3uhOtpY/USmpKpDzsUI/AAAAAAAAAP4/5sG5i5DAhiE/s320/photo+(99).JPG

 

One of the blinds is crooked. I should fix that. Ok, what's the point of all this? I got a card that had a checklist on the back. I didn't take a picture for some reason, and I'm not really able to get off the couch right now:

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NCbSCOpE454/USmpWmIqDfI/AAAAAAAAAQA/r-fi-_5O4t4/s320/photo103.JPG

 

He does that. Have you typed with a 90 lb dog on your arm? You should, it adds a degree of difficulty. The checklist is the cheese here though. I remember when I was a kid, the checklist card was just a list of players. It sucked. I usually threw them out. They didn't have a players on them or anything. This 2013 version had Johan Santana on the front. Very nice! I'm a gypsy. My wife. Sorry, Borat loop.

 

The checklist got me thinking: do they make a card for each player? I did some research and found that in 2012, they made 3 series of Topps standard cards. There was series 1, series 2, and update series. I guess series 3 would have been too predictable. I did investigate further and found that "update series" is for players who have changed teams and other events like the all-star game and whatnot. This confirms my suspicions that each player does not have a card.

 

Side note: Topps makes like a million different sets each year. Some have really funny names like Gypsy Queen. There is also a baseball card Wikipedia of sorts. Here's the link, have fun!

 

Back to the task at hand. It's simple math. There are 330 cards in each of these Topps sets. 330 x 3 = 990. In any given season, there are at least 750 players, but usually many more. That should add up, but remember what I said about the "update series." Perhaps the worst players just don't get a card. That makes sense, right?

 

Oh wait:

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TxhUeXi0btU/USmoW9dXyJI/AAAAAAAAAPY/wHqPfZLqW8c/s320/photo102.JPG

 

So, that's not it.

 

The reality is that some players must be snubbed! You can't have a player on a Topps card until they actually play an MLB game. It's a rule. It must be a contract thing. So, some rookies might not get cards until the next season. That's fine. There likely was not a 2012 Profar card. I checked eBay quick but that was exhausting. There are just too many colors and variations. What happened to the days of guys holding giant bats?

 

I decided to find the player checklists from the three series in 2012 to see which Twins were snubbed by the good people at Topps. In the end, I found 32 players who had cards in the 2012 sets. I also counted 8 fairly notable Twins without cards. Here is the spreadsheet I made. Don't make fun of me.

 

[TABLE=class: grid, width: 500]

Card #

Player

Notes

Series 1

[/TD]

62

Ben Revere

81

Liam Hendriks

Rookie Card

95

Chris Parmelee

Rookie Card

97

Jim Thome

Record Breakers, not sure which one

111

Kevin Slowey

In a Twins Uniform, I looked it up

164

Carl Pavano

179

Denard Span

230

Justin Morneau

235

Joe Benson

Rookie Card

249

Trevor Plouffe

276

Scott Baker

292

Ben Revere

again?

303

Danny Valencia

lol

316

Nick Blackburn

lol

Series 2

337

Glen Perkins

389

Alexi Casilla

Note to self: buy this

411

Tsuyoshi Nishioka

hmm

501

Matt Capps

512

Josh Willingham

517

Francisco Liriano

529

Luke Hughes

huh?

535

Joe Mauer

I was starting to wonder

655

Ryan Doumit

[TD=colspan: 2]Update Series

[/TD]

US7

Joe Mauer

All-Star

US67

Jamey Carroll

US112

Eduardo Escobar

Rookie Card

US140

Brian Duensing

US158

Jared Burton

US161

Brian Dozier

Rookie Card

US163

Scott Diamond

US274

Jeff Gray

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

US330

Alex Burnett

That's right, the last card for the year is Alex Burnett

No Card

Darin Mastroianni

0.8 WAR

Pedro Florimon

0.8 WAR

Matt Carson

0.1 WAR

Anthony Swarzak

-0.6 WAR

Cole De Vries

0.2 WAR

P.J. Walters

-0.6 WAR

Sam Deduno

0.5 WAR

[TD]Casey Fien

1.0 WAR

[/TABLE]

 

I listed those without cards by WAR. The winner: Casey Fien. Casey Fien was pretty good last year. He was certainly better than Alex Burnett and Jeff Gray. Plus, Casey Fien doesn't even have a rookie card, even though he has played in parts of three seasons. At least not one I can find. I have decided to reward him with his own card. I'd say the results are a bit mixed. I'm still learning the intricacies of gimp. A billion points if you can guess the body of the player I used. No google, yo.

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XLu2t5dsiro/USmqj1O_wkI/AAAAAAAAAQM/Pzzowh9VtxM/s320/casey

 

Whoa, that is terrifying.

 

With that, I have righted an injustice and taken you on a journey of what happens on an average Saturday in my house. If you have feedback, I'd love to read it. Clearly, I need more things to help me pass the time.

 

If you like this sort of nonsense, you can read about my trip to Glenallen Hill and see what a bowl of Bobby Bonilla ice cream might be like. Click here, you'll be "glad" you did.

 

Brad Swanson is a professional photohop guy. He had the title line in Star Wars.

hahaha! I love baseball cards... hilarious Fein card. Imagine that showing up in a pack of Topps...Kevin Slowey the body?

I think the Profar card is airbrushed a bit to make it flashier?? After all, it a Topps RC

I can't lie, I've thought about going and buying another pack at least a few times since yesterday.

 

Nope, not Slowey, but you're on the right track.

Nick Blackburn?

Great, great post. Is that the girthy body of Matt Capps on the Fein card??

Thank you! However, gil4 is correct. A billion points to you! Save those points.

 

Still photos of pitchers throwing are crazy. His elbow is not in a natural position.

My first guesses were Baker or Pavano (the elbow looks either old or injured) but the glove brand didn't match either one.

 

I'm waiting for a double points special so I can get twice as much of the nothing I could normally get.

That's just sound strategy.