Fly On The Dugout Wall

Rocco Baldelli/ Wes Johnson
“Was that a strike?”
“It almost hit him in the ankle, boss.”
“So it wasn’t a strike.”
“Nope. Not even close.
“Should I take him out?”
“It’s only the first inning, boss.”
“Yeah, but if he isn’t throwing strikes… that’s bad, ain’t it?”
“You don’t want to bring in the bullpen just yet, boss.”
“Why? Are they bad?”
“Most of the time. But the point is if you go to the pen too early we’ll run out of pitchers before the game is over.”
“Whaddya mean? We got La Turtle don’t we?
“That’s La Tortuga, boss.”
“Same difference. We got ‘em here don’t we or did we forget and leave him in the minors again?”
“No. He’s here. That’s him out there in centerfield.”
“That’s not Buxton? He moves likes Buxton.”
“It’s Astudillo.”
“Who?”
“La Tortuga.”
“So why’s he in centerfield?”
“You gave Buxton a couple days off, boss. You thought he looked exhausted after playing for a whole week.”
“He played a whole week? Straight? What is he? Superman?” Should we put him on the IL?”
“I think he’ll be okay, boss. At least until his next injury.”
“All right, but if something happens to him while he’s sitting on the bench it’s your ass, Wes.”
“Yes, sir.”
“By the way, who is pitching for us? I don’t recognize the guy.”
“Neither does anyone else, boss. The guy showed up before the game, said he’d been claimed   off the town ball waiver list by the Front Office… let’s see, here it is… yup, he was pitching for the Climax, MN town team. Says here he won a couple of games… yup, threw a no-hitter against Fertile, MN. I hear those guys are pretty potent.”
“There! By God that was a strike, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, sir. Right down the middle of the plate… looks like it’s still going. Let me give the stat guys a call. Find out the launch angle on that one. Could be a moon shot.”
“How ‘bout the exit velocity? You get extra runs for that, don’t you? Exit velocity? We don’t need to give up extra runs, Wes.”
“No, sir. We don’t. There easy enough to come by the way it is.”
“Why don’t you go out there. Find out what the hell his name is. Check and make sure he isn’t hurt already. He coulda got whiplash following that dinger out of the stadium.”
“It’s still only the first inning, boss. I go out there now and the next time we gotta pull the guy.”
“Who made up that rule?"