Addiction

Note: The following entry is not in any way meant to mock or make light of those with real addictions. I know all too well the struggles that are associated with addictions of all types, and the effect it can have on lives. Please read this in the humorous spirit in which it is meant.

It is mid-September. The Twins are twenty-four games under .500, getting their clocks cleaned 9-1 by Kansas City last night. It is raining and dreary out. So what is the highlight of my day? The release of the 2013 Twins schedule! Almost immediately after it is posted I am marking my calendar, pouring over the pages, seeing who’s coming in when, and beginning to think ahead to what teams I’m going to want to see, and where I might want to sit. It is only after a couple of hours of this that the sad truth is driven home to me – I am addicted to Twins baseball.

How do I know it is an addiction? Because it fits all the symptoms:

• Preoccupation with all things Twins-related (how many times a day do I visit this site?);
  
• Impaired control over behavior (I just can’t turn the game off no matter how bad it is);
  
• Continued use for short-term gratification regardless of long-term consequences (ulcers);
  
• Rationalization used to justify continued interest (there’s always tomorrow);
  
• Wasting of financial resources to enable behavior ($13 parking, overpriced concessions, yet still I go);
  
• Withdrawal (I’m already starting to get the shakes with the off-season approaching).
  

Yes, I can now admit that I am powerless over the hold Twins baseball has on me. The question is, what happens next? Is there a power than can restore sanity to my life? Perhaps a small group can be formed, with regular meetings, to help me manage the effects of this addiction (“Hi, my name is Steve, and I’m a Twins fan.”) Maybe I can get a Sponsor, someone I can call when I feel the urge to go to a ballgame. I could move somewhere where Twins baseball is not readily available, to remove the temptation (although given MLB.TV I’m not sure where that would be). Perhaps a less-damaging substitute, with fewer side effects (Minnesota Lynx?). Maybe even check into a clinic, isolate myself completely, no internet, no radio, no cable, no newspapers – anything necessary to help me go cold turkey and detox once and for all.

The problem is, none of this will work, because when I am truly honest with myself I realize I lack the most important ingredient in any recovery: the desire to get better. No matter how many times I try to cure myself of this, recidivism is inevitable. I have to admit to myself that no matter how much hold the Minnesota Twins have over me, I crave only more. For me there is no rock-bottom (even after these past two seasons); I am happy in my addiction and in the hope that some day pain will turn to pleasure. So here I sit again, watching tonight’s game, storing up baseball to get me through the long winter months, and already dreaming of what will be next year. GO TWINS!!

This is an awesome article. See most of your symptoms recognized in myself, and I am currently plotting about the players that the Twins should go after to get better this offseason, although I have less influence on Terry Ryan than Bill Smith should ever have again on this organization. GO TWINS!