Why the twins won’t win the central.

With spring comes optimism, every team has a .500 record, everyone is healthy, everyone has a chance. In the words of Lee Corso, “not so fast my friend.” The twins have no chance in 2012.

Missing from the lineup is their longtime closer Joe Nathan, who after a rough start in 2012 pulled it all together during the end of the year. Instead the Twins decided to give Matt Capps money and throw him the 9^th inning, cause that went so well in 2011.

Michael Cuddyer, who’s magic tricks were a clubhouse favorite, and who’s versatility was used all over the field. He’s gone too, arguably the twins best hitter over the last 2 years, playing in Colorado.

Jason Kubel once blasted a homerun against Mariano Rivera to give the twins a win against the Yankees for the first time in what seems like forever, he’s gone too.

Delmon Young was a #1 pick a while ago and two years ago was a potential MVP candidate, he struggled at the beginning of last year, but once he was traded he was so valuable for the Detroit Tigers in their playoff run. He’s no longer with the twins either. Instead we have a lineup of health issues, and guys who’ve never played the position they are going to be playing this year. Or if they did play it, they played it poorly. Let’s go position by position.

C Joe Mauer – Joe’s legs have to be a concern, he’s no longer a catcher with speed, he’s a catcher, period. He might hit .320 but he’s not driving guys in and he’s not legging out doubles anymore. Not with two cement blocks on his feet.

1B Justin Morneau – I have some advice for Morneau; hit the one in the middle. It’s clear he suffers from Corey Koskie syndrome; a concussion has ended his career. He’s never going to be the player he once was.

2B Alexi Casilla/Tsuyoshi Nishioka – do I need to elaborate? Nishi played six games at second last year, and he suffered a broken leg doing a routine double play turn. Good news is his noodle arm might have to chuck baseballs from across the diamond as the Twins have him playing a bit of third.

Casilla? Aren’t we tired of this experiment? It’s like touching the stove, you do it once, it hurts you stop. You don’t go back and keep touching it.

3B Danny Valencia – My 21 year old sister who stopped playing softball at age 13 could play better defense at third than Valencia.

SS Jamey Carroll – he’s old, he should be a DH or 1B at his age. I can see him and Nishi running into each other at 2^nd and both breaking legs.

RF Josh Willingham – The twins biggest offseason signing, he’s barely played RF before, but sure lets write him down in there in permanent marker for

the next three years. At least he might him 30 homeruns.

CF Denard Span – what he lacks at the plate he makes up for in the field, except he reportedly has bad days resulting from a concussion last June. He’s in the same boat as Morneau. See you next year.

LF Ben Revere – If he throws it his hardest he might be able to get the ball from LF to CF, but no further, oh and his OBP will probably be below .300 again.

DH Ryan Doumit – He’s never played a full season because he’s always hurt. Welcome to Minnesota Ryan, you’ll fit in perfectly.

SP1 Carl Pavano – can he please grow the mustache back? At least then he was fun to look at even though you knew he was a few starts from a 4.50

ERA. Hey, he’s the twins Ace!

SP2 Francisco Liriano – At 28 if you are still trying to figure out your mechanics, you’re not in good shape. He’s so two faced, no idea which pitcher you will get.

SP3 Scott Baker – Another guy who can’t seem to stay healthy, if he is healthy, he’s good. IF IF IF

SP4 Nick Blackburn – I don’t even know why he’s here; do the twins have no other pitchers? Looking forward to 5-12 with a 4.89 ERA.

SP5 Jason Marquis – uhm, why not go after Roy Oswalt? Instead get the guy no one else wanted? He’ll eat innings, great, but he’ll give up 5 runs each time out.

CL Matt Capps – I really wanted Joe Nathan back, guarantee Joe saves more games than Matt.

SU Joel Zumaya – last time he pitched it was at target field and his arm exploded, good omen.

SU Glen Perkins – I’m convinced last year was all luck for Glenn. No way he puts those numbers up again.

MR Brian Duensing – I’m sure he’s thrilled to be here.

MR Alex Burnett – 5.51 ERA in 66 games.

MR Kyle Waldrop – 5.72 ERA in 7 games.

Do I think they will lose 99 games? No, they have some talent, but will they win the division? Absolutely not, this team is stuck rebuilding while its core players are in their primes.

Wow, kemics, your article is just a ray of Florida sunshine.

sorry, just noticed your previous article taking the opposite point of view. I guess it proves that this is a tough year to predict how the Twins will do. Heck, every year it is tough.

Thanks, I wanted to present conflicting view points. Obviously I hope the twins are successful and my first post is correct, but the above could absolutely be the reality.

I think this blog more accurately portrays how this year is going to play out, especially your comments about the pitching staff. The starting rotation is filled with pitchers who would be no better than a number 3 on almost any other major league roster. I don't have a real problem with Capps. He was relatively inexpensive and you pretty much know what you are going to get. When the Twins are out of contention in July, he can be traded to a contender. I think a number of the Twins on the current roster will be trade bait come July because the Tigers will be pretty much running away with the division by then.

And Zumaya is already hurt, looks like this is the road we are headed down...