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2022 Season Blog

Royce Lewis and the Abyss - A Twins Blog

Being a hero means spending time in the abyss, mired down and challenged in every way. Royce Lewis has the potential for being a hero, but for now he’s spending a season in the abyss - in this case, staying patient in AAA. He’ll have to grow and add skills during this time, which is how heroes make their way back into the light. To stay a hero, he’ll need to transform into an even greater version of himself. If his brief time in the majors was any indication, he should have no problem doing that

Game 4 - Everything Awful Returns

A day after imaging a Twins path to the playoffs, everything awful I was expecting from the team showed up for 9 innings of baseball. Mauer didn't get a hit. The starting pitcher didn't go 5 innings. The bullpen gave out like a bad back.   To top it off, the sky filled with snow while the game was on. I didn't catch much of this one - just enough to give me the idea that Liam Hendriks might be a threat to my blood pressure this year.   Snow after opening day is like getting your Christmas list t
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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The Day-to-Day Zone

THE DAY-TO-DAY ZONE   FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 3   A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY   BASED ON AN IDEA BY MICHAEL HAAS (@digitalHaas)     INT. BLACK AND WHITE. A MOD 50s LIVING ROOM. THERE ARE SEVERAL COUCHES MADE UP OF LIGHT GRAY RECTANGLES. A COFFEE TABLE SITS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM, COVERED IN MAGAZINES.   DENARD SPAN ENTERS THE ROOM, LOOKING CONFUSED AND FRUSTRATED. HE SITS ON ONE OF THE COUCHES.   HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AND STARES AT A DOOR IN FRONT OF HIM.   THE DOOR IN FRONT OF HIM IS
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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The Human Fan Condition (Twins versus Phillies -- Games 60-62)

Twins vs. Phillies   Run(s) Scored (Twins 3 Phillies 2—Game 60)   Run(s) scored.   When my team is at bat, I add up all the players and figure out how many runs could’ve gone on the scoreboard. I assume the highest number possible.   But when it’s the other team . . .   As soon as “Run(s) scored” appears on my smartphone screen all sounds around me cease. I can hear my heart beat. I don’t even count up how bad the damage could be. I just assume infinity.   Somehow, despite seemingly being on the
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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2022 Season Blog

Saints and Cubs - A Twins Blog

The Twins took two out of three in Toronto, even in a depleted state. And if the Twins were playing without players, then the St. Paul Saints were stripped down to the bone as well. I wasn't sure what to expect from them when we watched them take on the Iowa Cubs in Des Moines. I know I didn't expect a record-setting day for home runs and a near double-digit victory for the Saints, but I was glad to see it. I sported my Rosario shirsey and Twins hat, but I'm sad to say my daughter did not m

Game 5 - Everybody Wins.

Didn't listen to the Twins game. Had the chance to see the Timberwolves play, and I was lucky enough to see the game where Coach Adelman got his 1000 career victory.   The Twins won, too. In our social media world, you never miss the baseball game. My friend and I tuned into it on the radio on the car ride to the game, when things still seemed sluggish for the team in blue. I learned they had taken the lead from a Twins tweet texted directly to my phone, and I learned the game was tied up when
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Humble Suggestions for a Very Special 10 Year Anniversary Edition of AaronGleeman.com

I, for one, suggest we definitely spend some time celebrating Aaron Gleeman on 10 years of maintaining his blog. Gleeman is a succinct and clear writer who never sacrifices quality, even when producing articles in great quantity. He makes it easy to join into online conversation with other Twins fans, and I'm thankful for what he's done.   So with that in mind, the 10 year anniversary of AaronGleeman.com has to go down like it was classic Johnny Carson stuff. Here are some suggestions:   1) Wher
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Twins/Red Sox (Games 28-31)

Twins at Red Sox   Too Old for the Gang at Cheers (Game 28)   Home early, with my wife home as well, I started getting a hankering for watching the Twins play at a sports bar. Baseball’s just a little bit better when you’re covered in buffalo sauce and ordering another beer.   Except it was Monday. And I’m old. And wings plus beer plus anything else starts to add up to be a decent chunk of change. Don’t get me started on the calories, either. Plus, then you’re surrounded by a lot of people and y
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Game 7 - Royally Terrified.

I caught the beginning of the Twins/Royals game on my car radio. I parked to catch the first pitch and enjoy shivering memories of watching the Evil Dead remake in the theater.   The movie was good, and I finally experienced my horror lover's no-hitter: I watched a scary movie in a theater all by myself. That's right - in a theater devoid of all other human beings.   That's a good'n to watch solo, too. If the creepy noises don't get you squirming, the over-the-top gore will have you wiggling in
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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End of Twins, Beginning of Baseball (Twins vs. Indians 92-94)

No More All-Star Moments (Twins 3 Indians 2 – Game 92)   This is the story of the 2013 Twins, and there’s really not a whole lot left to cover in these remaining games. True believers will hold out for a miracle, a string of victories, and playoff glory. I love all things TC, but I can’t believe in this campfire tale.   If it happens, I’ll jump on the bandwagon and stand in the parade like I always belonged there.   The Twins came out of the All-Star Break plucky, like nobody told them the odds.
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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The Ballad of Big Jim.

Twitter started sizzling yesterday. There's a chance Thome rejoins the team and puts a few more taters over the right field flag pole.   There's no way this helps the Twins long term, but I can't help but be excited. Jim Thome is so heroic Greek mythology borrows heavily from his career.   Mauer's never going to be that kind of hero. He's the quiet, unappreciated type. Biographies of the cool, consistent catcher will mention how little respect he got in his home town. They'll quote Gleeman's t
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Unrelated Cross-Promotion.

Last year, as some of you know, I wrote an online novel called The HooseCows. It's about an independent league baseball team where broken ballplayers try to find peace dealing with ballpark ghosts and bad people. It's available at http://www.cfcows.com. Currently, I'm preparing it for publication.   The problem is I missed writing fiction, and I wanted to write something else. I missed having a story to tell, so there was only one thing to do . . .   The new story will have under 5% baseball, an
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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If Twins Play In CA, Does Anyone Remember What Time? (Twins at Angels 95-97)

Behind the Maps (Twins 4 Angels 2 – Game 95)   Putting the Twins on a West Coast road trip is like keeping something in your glove compartment. No matter how much you swear you won’t forget this time, your mind goes blank when it counts.   California time victories are nice to find between smashes of the “snooze” button on my cell phone. It’s like getting a nice letter, except no one mails anything anymore. Even the junk mail people gave up the ghost years ago.   Since there’s no reason to focus
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

1

Rolled Sox (Twins versus White Sox - Games 66-68)

Holding a Handful of Water (Twins 7 White Sox 5 – Game 66)   As a kid, I used to fill my cupped palm with water to see how long I could hold onto it. No matter how steady I held my hand, the water always slipped away.   I grew up Iowa. We made our own fun and we liked it.   As an adult Twins fan, the feeling returns to me. Game after game I see the Minnesota team find a big inning – like their four run first inning – and then slowly let it slide through their fingers.   The tall tale used to be
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Regarding This.

Joe Mauer’s DEVOTION regarding walking up to T.I.’s “What You Know?” is well-known and even generates some GOOD-NATURED RIBBING from the chaps who write baseball things.   Yet, has the STABLE SLUGGER hidden a message of PROFOUND SUPERNATURAL LORE within these words? Consider the following lyrics:   What you know about that? What you know about that? What you know about that?   Simple, upon first view. But simplicity can hide behind its cloaks GREAT COMPLEXITY, like the bounteous spread of dishe
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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A Snowy Vision of the 2013 Twins.

While I was moping behind my snowblower, I noticed an unusual formation of snow. I turned off the machine and stepped closer to it.   The identify of those piles of snow became clear. You've seen them before, too. They're the smiling, handshaking baseball players whose image lights up when Twins players hit home runs. The players looked at me as if they were waiting for me to speak.   "Who will these 2013 Twins be?" I asked. "Who can I cheer for? Who can I believe in?"   The figures just kept sh
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Green Shoots from Broken Bat Rubble (Twins at Mariners - Games 98-101)

Daydream Disbeliever (Twins 2 Mariners 8 – Game 98)   The Twins got knocked out early in this game, but everybody played nine innings anyway.   During my little league tour of duty, I spent most of time at whichever part of the outfield they felt saved me from embarrassing attempts at fielding fly balls. If I was lucky and the ball stayed far away from my glove, I had nothing to do but daydream away until I was forced to humiliate myself at the plate.   Getting blown out of the water early, one
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

1

Terror at the Martin Romero Institute!

TERROR AT THE MARTIN ROMERO INSTITUTE:   FEAR IN A HANDFUL OF ROSIN PART 2   A MR. HORRORPANTS SCREENPLAY   INT. A LIVING ROOM OF AN ABANDONED HOUSE.   Mr. Horrorpants enters the room. He kicks at a crushed plastic beer cup. From the corner, a crouched human being stirs. The crouched stranger stands and reveals himself to be Carl Pavano, dressed as a teenager from the 1950s.   PAVANO Nick?   MR. HORRORPANTS Something is amiss here!   PAVANO They're all gone! All of my friends! We thought we
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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What Games? Twins at Indians.

Department of Water and Power (Twins 1 Indians 5 Game 69) It’s really easy to forget about a baseball game when you open up your blinds to see water slapping into your window like gravity made a 90 degree mistake.   Weekend baseball series are like a family cookout you can take with you on the car stereo. When the Twins are out of town, the cookout covers the Twin Cities and keeps going. You can ask strangers in blue and red for a score and they’ll tell you. If your biological family is far away
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Game 8 - Pelfrey on the Small Screen

With the evening pre-booked, I monitored this Twins game from my cell phone while revisiting cherished David Cronenberg movies from years past.   At least, I started to. After it took me days to scroll down through MLB At Bat listings for Mike Pelfrey's first inning, there was no need to devote excessive brain power to watching the Twins continue their swirl down the drain.   Three home runs was nice, though.   Monitoring the game on your phone is as close as you can come to watching the game wh
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Monsters and Yankees

The first thing you need to understand is the New York Yankees breed monsters.   Monstrous Yankees seem to be human, but they grow to be so much more than that. They become legends, with their memory preserved in Monument Park throughout the ages.   This is not necessarily an insult: monsters can be heroes, too. Take Babe Ruth. He began as a boy at an orphanage and grew into a walking appetite. His home runs shot further and further away from the batter’s box until thinking of him as a mortal mi
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Sunk in Atlanta - Twins at Braves (Games 41-43)

Twins at Braves   Gimme Danger? (Game 41)   Bad night in the US outside of baseball. Tornados took a chunk out of the country again, leaving too many dead (no matter the number) and many of the rest battling post-disaster financial hardship like it was a kind of cancer. For those affected, this will be a mile marker for the rest of their lives.   Sadly, but less tragically, Doors’ keyboardist Ray Manzarek died.   The Doors were dangerous rock and roll. They made music fearlessly, and when they w
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Game 11 - Monroeville Mall Field.

Zombies have already been mentioned twice on my Twins 2013 game-by-game blog. This should not surprise anyone. I mean, I'm not Mr. Cowboypants.   And I guess it's not surprising the Minnesota Twins had me thinking about zombies again, although not in the same way as the last few times.   The Mets' Matt Harvey took a no hitter into the seventh inning. He's a heckuva picture -- Aaron Gleeman's giddy obsession with the hurler reached photoshopping levels during the game.   That said, the Twins are
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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Red-Seamed, Rose-Colored, Heart-Shaped Glasses.

Bummed Darin Mastroianni got sent to minor league camp. My unpleasant mood has nothing to do with strategy or intellect. I am bummed because my friends who got autographs from him said he was a great guy. Mostly, I am bummed because I liked to pretend he was secretly a stubbly private investigator in a lesser known horror film directed by Dario Argento.   Baseball, appreciated from the keen and reasoned eye of a scientific scholar, moves like a beautiful piece of clockwork machinery. I admire t
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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