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Entries in this blog

The Marlins Memo.

From: Michael Fakename To: Marlins Home Run Feature Design Team.   I. Love. It.   When I said I wanted something that looked like Rainbow Brite puked on a snowglobe, I was just a boy with a dream. You and your design team made this boy's dreams come true!   Can I make one small request? Could you add just ONE MORE Marlin to the display?   I'm envisioning a marlin that comes out of the top of the display, but real slowly. I mean, REALLY slowly. Almost creepy slow. It should just stop for a moment
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2
2022 Season Blog

Schrödinger’s Twins - A Twins Blog

When I went to bed last night, the Twins were up seven to three. I know what you’re thinking – how early does he go to bed? I have to get up early so I go to bed early. Anyway, the whole game turned into a Schrödinger’s cat kind of thing. Overly simplified, Schrödinger posed an interesting dilemma. First, theoretically, someone could place a cat in a box with a radioactive particle. Then, a radiation detector would be connected to a hammer. The hammer would be poised over a container o

Same Division, Different Worlds. (Twins versus Tigers -- Games 63-65)

History in the Air, Twins Hits Stay in the Yard (Twins 0 Tigers 4 Game 63)   The Twins played tonight, in as much as an official game occurred and they were there.   At least people at Target Field got to see Eddie Guardado and PR guy Tom Mee get inducted into the Twins Hall of Fame.   I listened to the first inning in my backyard, until the mosquitoes ran up the scoreboard in a hellish game of their own. I listened deeper into the game inside my house. I listened past Eddie Guardado’s time in t
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Game 6 - Carly Rae is Okay.

With one week of 2013 in the books, the Twins have won their first two series of the year and boast a 4-2 record.   The mechanism powering these victories seems to rely on the team getting a few lucky bounces per game. If the team doesn't find some stable slugging and more dependable fielding, this burst of good fortune may give way to a mudslide of loss and despair.   The real star of Sunday's 4-3 victory of the Twins was Carly Rae Jepsen. The "Call Me Maybe" threw out the first pitch for the
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

It Ain't Over Til . . . Wait, the REDS?

Once, many of us still believed in a magical NORTH POLE where SANTA CLAUS makes everything all better (perhaps more of you would still believe if it wasn't for a terrible lie your parents told you to benefit BIG ELFING). Sadly, childhood may be the last time the lot of us all believed in a magical place ON EARTH! We Iowans once tried to pull some flim-flammary to convince you Iowa was heaven, FOOLED YOU, MINNESOTA!   Some people still find it in themselves to believe in heaven on the planet. Eve
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

I'm the Away Team - Orioles at Twins (Games 32-34)

Orioles at Twins   A Damn Shame (Game 32)   These days, it’s a lot easier to keep up with the Twins when you’re traveling.   This can be perilous, however.   For example, when the Twins blow a six run lead and you find out in the middle of a friendly conversation with your family. There are words and phrases that desperately need screaming, but politeness dictates you keep your mouth shut.   I settled on letting out a wordless scream. I think it did the trick.   Later, as we settled in to sleep
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Playing on the Radio.

I think Twins magic begins with a car radio, a commute of erratic, skidding traffic, and staring at the sun while waiting for red lights.   Returning to baseball life is a greater gift to the fans living in places where the offseason is covered in snow and loneliness.   When the bat cracks and the crowd cheers, we know the small city filled with red- and blue-clad fans will be born around Target Field. There will be beer, hugs, and shouting.   At that moment, the shouting comes from the guy in
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

The Snowed In Opening We've All Imagined.

Weather reports tell me something wicked this way comes. I've got two gallons of gas for the snowblower and just enough left in my own tank to dig out from this one.   Downtown, Target Field better be ready. Come April, we're all coming over to watch the game.   With the weather waiting to pummel us yet again, how many of us are imagining a Wintery Wasteland Opening Day nightmare? Ever since they announced the stadium, the truly pessimistic of have smirked small, bitter smirks and imagined a sn
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

A Quick Case of the Sox (Games 35-37)

White Sox at Twins   Four Sacks of Groceries and Two Dingers (Game 35)   When the Twins have a three run lead, it’s safe to grocery shop without excessive worry.   When the Twins are behind, each trip down the grocery store aisles is pure agony. Every spare moment and empty space offers an opportunity to check the score on your cell phone. When the other team’s runs pile on, it’s hard to keep shopping.   The Twins rewarded my trust with a surplus of runs and a magical day for Aaron Hicks. He hit
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

The Laughs of the 90s Are Alive With Provus.

I've liked Cory Provus from day one. The man calls a good ballgame. He doesn't oversell the drama. He sounds like baseball ought to.   Since I've permanently ditched cable for the radio, I've been spending a lot more time listening to Mr. Provus. My opinion hasn't changed.   However, I've begun to notice something.   He's funny.   He's really funny.   He isn't flashy about it. He's not about loud voices, zingers, or crazy stories. I can't quote you a kneeslapper to prove my point. But he's funny
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Ode to Scoring Just One Run

Instead of writing an original piece of HIGH STRANGENESS to satisfy your curiosity, I am sharing a most EDIFYING piece in praise of the one solitary run the Twins are allowed to score in most games. 4 out of 6 since last we talked.   Gather, ye ball fans As I make all clear The most mirthful joy Of our ONE run cheer!   To score runs PLURAL Cannot be much fun Compared to sheer glee From scoring just one!   Teams - not the Twins, no They love the long ball They hammer and drive They score, one and
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

This Fan Ain't No Good (Twins vs As -- Games 143-145)

Swarzak Attack (Twins 4 As 3 - Game 143)   You'd have a tough time coming up with a cooler success story for the Twins than the tale of Anthony Swarzak. Dude got injured rough-housing at Twins Fest and put himself out of commission for while. It seemed like one more reason to end up in Gardy's dog house, and an embarrassing way to escort yourself off of a major league roster.   Now it's September, and he's a success story. Maybe we should all start believing in the existence of the Sasquatch, hu
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Game 10 - Back in Time.

With a ground covered by snow and flakes drifting down from the sky, yesterday made me wonder if spring is coming again and the Twins pitchers and catchers need to report to Florida soon.   A double dose of spring training couldn't hurt, right? I tuned into the game when I started in on supper, and Vance Worley had coughed up 10 runs by the time our meal was done.   I had a hankering to go to that game, but when I texted the wife to see if she was down for wintery baseball game, her exact words
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Marred by Marlins (Twins at Marlins - Games 72-73)

Losing to Traffic AND the Marlins (Twins 2 Marlins 4 - Game 72)   Began the drive home with the Twins down by two runs and an unexpected optimism they could pull this thing off. Maybe getting a phone call from my wife informing me we had power after a 91 hour drought made me sentimental. Maybe it was seeing Minnesotans looking over piles of chopped wood, proud to have survived another beating from Mother Nature.   My hope didn’t die when then Twins attempts to score a run died on the basepaths,
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Nothing Will Keep Us Together - Twins versus Royals (Games 102-104)

The Way the Ball Bounces (Twins 2 Royals 7 – Game 102)   With the trade talk making the Minnesota Twins look like the garage sale everybody drives past, baseball kept being baseball. The game sounded great in my car, with the window down, and a few hints of fall in the breeze.   Provus described a routine foul ball and it reminded me how elegant but complicated the game is. The ball goes in the air, affected by the way it was thrown, the way it was hit, and the atmospheric conditions with which
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Betting on the Wrong Horse.

Thought about the title of this blog. How would I feel if someone sends it back to me after a victorious Twins season? Then, I decided I'd feel pretty damn good about a winning season and probably wouldn't care someone reminded me I started out bitter.   Twins fans across the Internet are writing like the team was dying and they're planning the services in its hospital room. Opening Day will be the funeral service, and Spring Training the visitation.   Too morbid?   What's the proper way to pre
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Game 16/17 - To Talk About the Weather

Double-headers are perfect. Ideally, the Twins would play twenty-four hours a day and I could always listen to them on the radio. There's probably some silly reason that wouldn't work, though.   Heard about the Arcia home-run on a quick phone check, then listened to enough game to feel like the Twins had it ready to put in their pocket. Then I alternated snippets of radio updates and smart phone monitoring to realize the second game might stay close, but it was probably never going the Twins way
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Bad Managers Manage Poorly In Their Own Ways: Ideas on Managers Impacting the Game.

If you're a Twins fan, you've questioned Ron Gardenhire's ability to manage. Even if you didn't question it before 2011, you do now. After a catastrophic season, any reasonably minded baseball fan would wonder if the man leaning on the dugout fence is going to fix his team or make it worse.   If you're a fan like me, you're not in the dugout with Ron Gardenhire. Gardy has never coached me, nor has he attempted to coach me. I can analyze his performance based on what I see on television and read
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

7 Times 15 Only Equals 28 Once

Imagine the Universe, swirling mysteriously across untold aeons and dimensions. Within this maelstrom, how can one isolate the force that is Mauer Power? How far does it extend? Is it more polite than other Universal forces, like Hulkamania?   My goals may be lofty in this Universe, and yet I am COMPELLED to write yet another column about Mauer and the home runs. This Question of the Ages is a perennial classic for the local sports media. For most of them, it seems Mauer Power did not increase t
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Ranger/Twins - Punch for Punch (Games 18-21)

RANGERS AT HOME   Have Cap, Will Travel (Game 18)   Took the wife to Wits at the Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul, where Michael Ian Black joined the show for the evening. Black is a comedic laser so sharp you can correct people’s vision with his jokes.   Wits projects tweets onto the wall before the performance and at intermission. Couple tweeters in attendance used the board as a way of checking the score. Caught a couple Twins caps and jackets in the audience, too.   The Wits performance was o
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Twins In Stereo.

The Twins take the field tomorrow for the first time in 2013's regular season. It'd be an awful lot easier to find some hope for the year if the snow wasn't so stubborn in getting off of my lawn.   Starting tomorrow, I'm going to record my impression of every Twins baseball game on this, my TwinsDaily blog. I'm taking a page from Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan, who documented a Red Sox season in their book Faithful.   Red Sox won the World Series when they wrote that book. I'm not holding my br
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Game 1 - Slushy

When I sat down in my home office and turned on the Nationals game to hear how Denard Span did with his new team, the sun was friendly and my view was mostly free from snow. By the time I got in my car and tuned into the Twins game, all I could see were piles of snow and gloomy skies.   Gray is the official color of being down by two runs.   The Twins must have settled in after that, but when I got back in my car I listened to them waste a bases loaded opportunity. Duensing came in and I winced
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

2

Off Topic - Bring Back Childhood Memories and Support a Scary Wisconsin Slasher.

This is off-topic, but if you grew up around the same time period as me, you know what happened after the summer Little League games.   You went to a sleepover and you watched a scary movie. Probably one where a guy with a mask and a sharp object chased teenagers around the woods.   Like the song says, they just don't make 'em like that anymore.   UNLESS . . .   Slasher Studios is looking for a few more donations to fund their movie Don't Go To The Reunion, and they could use a few bucks from a
Axel Kohagen

Axel Kohagen

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